Start with You Podcast

What does it really mean to feel “lost” in your twenties?
In this episode, Ben shares a real coaching conversation (published with permission) with a young adult navigating uncertainty about direction, identity, and next steps.
Instead of rushing to pick a path, the conversation explores a different idea: building identity capital.
You’ll hear how value-focused decision making shifts the focus from reacting to options to designing a direction. Rather than asking “What job should I take?” the deeper question becomes “Who am I becoming?”
This session explores:
• Why feeling behind is often a signal of growth• The difference between alternative-focused and value-focused decisions• How identity capital compounds over time• Why clarity often emerges through action, not analysis
If you’ve ever felt pressure to have everything figured out, this conversation will challenge that assumption.
Once you're clear about your values, you can narrow the search using the "value-filter," In this way, when you apply to a job - or "create your own job" based on values - you'll have a feeling of clarity and confidence. When you connect your values to your work, it's energizing.
Now It’s Your Turn
Take 10 minutes and reflect on the following:
• Where do you feel most engaged and alive?• What environments or activities consistently drain you?• Do you gain energy from being with people and in motion — or from focused, independent work?
These patterns are not random. They are signals.
Next, ask yourself:
• What identity capital am I building right now?– Skills– Relationships– Experiences– Reputation
• Is the identity capital I’m building intentional, or accidental?
You may not control all outcomes yet. But you can control what you are building. Clarity often follows construction.
Reach out for an exploratory 30-minute session Ben@20Something.Tools
 

Back when Ben was in his late 20s, he met up with his friend, Brian, at a bar. Brian was a graduate student exploring if and how to become a philosophy professor. So, Ben created a decision tree at the bar on-the-fly.
Brian said:
"Ben this is amazing - you should just take these decision analysis concepts and work with people in their 20s who are making big decisions about their life direction!"
Well, 25 years later, Ben's finally doing this! This episode introduces one of the most practical tools from decision analysis: the decision tree.
Decision trees help you get the ideas out of your head and onto paper, so you can clearly see:
what you control
what you don’t
how uncertainty affects your choices
paths leading to each outcome
Ben starts with the cleanest decision imaginable (a simple coin flip) to show how decision trees work. Then he applies the same structure to everyday choices (like whether to go to a movie) and high-stakes real-life decisions, including a dental dilemma.
You’ll learn how decision trees:
bring values, alternatives, and information together
help you separate decisions from outcomes
reveal missing information
give you clarity of action so you can make quality decisions BEFORE the outcome happens
There’s also a hands-on exercise to help you map a real decision you’re facing right now. Plus, Ben offers a bonus section for those who want to go deeper with expected value.
This episode wraps up the core decision-making tools of the Toolkit and sets the stage for what comes next: learning how to learn, one of the most powerful skills you can build in your 20s.
Now, it’s your turn!
Set up a decision tree based on an upcoming decision in your life!
If you get an insight from this exercise, post it as a comment so others can learn too.
And if you’d like help building your decision tree or calculating expected value, send a note to Ben@20Something.tools and let’s get a conversation going!
 
Resources* Link to Video of Decision Tree
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bfMFLXssBoU

In his book Measure What Matters, John Doerr famously called OKRs (Objectives and Key Results) a “superpower.”
He was talking about companies. But what if this superpower could make an even bigger impact when applied to your life, especially in your 20s?
OKRs have driven execution inside organizations for nearly 50 years, from Intel to Google to thousands of companies and nonprofits worldwide. At their core, OKRs create clarity, focus, measurable progress, and continuous learning.
But here’s the real question: Why should structured execution be reserved for companies?
Your 20s are your defining decade. This is when habits form, skills compound, networks expand, and identity capital grows. Yet of us are never taught how to define meaningful goals and execute against them.
In this pivotal bonus episode, Ben shares a real coaching case study of “Alex,” a graduating business major who felt stuck, anxious, and unclear about his future. Rather than trying to “solve his entire life,” they designed a simple 90-day OKR experiment focused on two areas:
Building intentional daily habits and routines
Creating clarity about post-graduation direction
Through measurable Key Results ranging from waking earlier and improving deep work, to strengthening social connection, building discipline through triathlon training, and defining a clear post-college plan, Alex shifted from reactive to proactive.
Instead of hoping things would work out, he began running a structured experiment on his own life.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How OKRs can drive personal growth, not just business execution
Why small behavioral wins create powerful identity shifts
How the OKR structure can build momentum
The connection between OKRs and Identity Capital (Meg Jay)
Why execution is one of the most valuable life skills to develop in your 20s
How to design your own simple 90-day OKR cycle
Now It’s Your Turn
Make copy of Ben's free OKR template.Choose one meaningful area of your life to focus on improving over the next 90 days.Write a short statement explaining Why it matters and Why now.Then create 3–5 measurable Key Results that make progress visible.
When you’re ready, email your draft to Ben@OKRs.com.
Ben will personally review it and offer a complimentary 30-minute coaching session to help refine your objective, strengthen your Key Results, and clarify your execution plan.
Because clarity drives action which builds momentum, leading to confidence and identity capital!
And in your defining decade, the next 90 days matter more than you think.
Thanks for listening!

How do you know if a decision was actually good BEFORE the outcome happens?
In this episode, Ben introduces a powerful framework from decision analysis, The Decision Stool.
Most of us judge decisions by how things turn out. But outcomes involve luck and things beyond your control. Good decisions can lead to bad outcomes, and bad decisions can sometimes lead to good outcomes.
So, if outcomes don't let us know if we made a good decision, what does?
The Decision Stool gives you a way to evaluate decision quality in advance, by checking the strength of three essential legs:
Values: What do you truly care about, and across which categories?
Alternatives: What options do you actually have, and can you create better ones using a value-focused approach?
Information: What do you know, what don’t you know, and is it worth learning more?
Ben walks you through how he used the decision stool framework from his own 20s when he bought his first home in Northern California. He had to balance affordability, family, location, schools, and risk.
You’ll see how a value-focused, hybrid alternative led to a creative solution that satisfied competing priorities. Yes, Ben does enter the Matrix in this episode and turns his decision to buy a house into an opportunity to become a landlord!
You’ll walk away with:
A practical checklist for evaluating decision quality
A way to diagnose why you feel stuck
An exercise to design alternatives that aren’t “on the menu”
A preview of the next tool: decision trees, which make complex choices visible
When a decision feels wobbly, don’t guess. Instead, notice which leg of the stool needs strengthening AND stabilize.
A solid decision stool translates to more confident decisions also known as "Clarity of Action" which means you evaluate your decisions based on what you can control.
 
Now It’s Your Turn
Think about a decision you are currently facing, big or small.
Take 5–10 minutes and evaluate it using the Decision Stool.
Values. What truly matters in this decision? What outcomes are most important to you?
Alternatives. Have you clearly defined the options? Can you create an alternative based on your values?
Information. What do you know, what don’t you know, and what assumptions are you making?
If one leg feels weak, strengthen it.
If this exercise changes your approach to a decision, share what you discovered in the comments!

This special bonus episode introduces one of the most important ideas for anyone in their 20s: Identity Capital, a concept from The Defining Decade by Meg Jay.
When you’re choosing jobs, majors, or career paths, it’s easy to get stuck in the paradox of choice: too many options, fear of choosing wrong, and hesitation to commit.
But here’s the reframe: it’s not the specific job that matters most, it’s the identity capital you build along the way.
In this episode, Ben explores:
What is Identity Capital? Answer: the experiences, skills, and reputation that shape your future.
Why do real-world challenges and meaningful experiences matter more than comfort and convenience? Answer: You'll stand out in that next job interview.
How to avoid accidentally building Identity Capital in the wrong direction.
A personal story about the importance of taking a value-focused approach to building identity capital.
This episode will help you shift from job chasing → growth building, so each step you take strengthens your future. Your 20s are not about finding the perfect job. They’re about building the foundation for the life you want.
Now it’s your turn:If you have a job...
Identify the Identity Capital skills or experiences you are building right now.
Are they taking you in the direction you want — YES, NO, or MAYBE?
If you’re job searching...
Step back from job titles and focus on the kind of Identity Capital you want to build.
Then pursue ONLY the roles that develop that type of identity capital.
Comment: Share your identity capital story in the comments so others can benefit from your experiences.
Looking for podcast guests: Contact me if you'd like to be a guest on an upcoming episode to talk about clear thinking for better choices in your 20s.
 
Resources: *Link to PDF of The Defining Decade
https://cdn.bookey.app/files/pdf/book/en/the-defining-decade.pdf
 

This episode tackles one of the most important thinking traps to avoid in your 20s when evaluating your decisions.
Decisions and outcomes are not the same. Yet many of us confuse the two, judging the quality of a decision based solely on how things turn out afterward. If the outcome is good, we assume the decision was good. If the outcome is bad, we assume the decision was bad.
This pitfall is known as outcome bias, and it can limit learning and make it much harder to improve your decision-making skills.
In your 20s, when you are making high-impact choices about careers, relationships, and major life events, outcome bias can cause you to draw the wrong lessons from decisions that were actually well thought out.
This episode explores a good decision with a bad outcome and a bad decision with a good outcome. We make this concrete by following Jim’s story and examining how a reasonable decision to plan an outdoor wedding ends up leading to an unlucky outcome.
By the end of this episode, you’ll be able to spot outcome bias in your own life, extract better lessons from your experiences, and build decision-making skills that compound throughout your 20s.
Now It’s Your Turn
Take 5–10 minutes to reflect about a decision you made recently that had a clear outcome.
Now separate the decision from the outcome.
First, notice if the outcome was good or bad.
Then, regardless of the outcome, did the decision felt right at the time?
Was your choice aligned with your values?
Remember, a good decision can still lead to a bad outcome… and a bad decision can end up with a lucky outcome.
Focus on noticing the difference between "the decision" and "the outcome" not judging yourself by the result.
And if you're up for it, share what you discovered in the comments so others can benefit from your reflection!

This episode puts value-focused decision making into action and shows you how to apply this powerful tool immediately to your own life.
I reflect on my own experience in my 20s to show how taking a value-focused approach helped me eliminate a potential job option.
You’ll also follow Jim, a 20-something college senior navigating a job search before deciding whether to pursue an MBA, as he applies the same framework. Most people get stuck and fall back into an alternative-focused approach to decision making, choosing from a default list of options on the menu of life.
After this episode you will:
See how to move beyond the default approach to decision making
Move past the limited menu in front of you
Expand what feels possible
Start shaping your own path.
Enter the matrix, like Keanu Reeves, to create your own reality.
Now It’s Your Turn
Think about a decision you are facing right now. It can be small, like what movie to see or which salad dressing to choose, or big, like what job to pursue or whether to make a move to a new city.
Before you decide, take 5–10 minutes and write down what truly matters to you in this situation.
Identify your values and group them into categories (just like Jim) so you can take a value-focused approach, starting with what matters, not just the options in front of you.
And if this process leads you to create your own alternative, one that wasn’t even on the original menu, share your story in the comments so others can learn from your experience!
 
Resources
This episode is inspired by Value-Focused Thinking: A Path to Creative Decision Making by Ralph Keeney, which shows how clarifying fundamental values can reveal new decision opportunities.
*Link to Keeney’s book
https://www.hup.harvard.edu/books/9780674931985
*Link to Frontline episode detailing the outcome of Providian, the company Ben eliminated from his menu of job options based on his ethical values https://www.pbs.org/video/frontline-the-card-game/
 

This episode builds directly on the foundation of critical reflection and introduces a better way to approach decisions.
Ben shows how value-focused decision making helps you go beyond the list of options on the menu of life so you can start getting more of what you actually want.
Most of us make decisions by reacting to the choices in front of us, like job offers and choosing a major, without ever stopping to ask what we truly care about.
In this episode, we introduce value-focused decision making, a powerful shift that starts with clarifying what matters to you and uses your values to create better alternatives rather than just picking from the default menu.
By the end of this episode, you will be able to apply a simple value-focused approach to the critical decisions you make in your 20s so that your choices align more closely with the life you actually want to build.
Ben finds that starting with values is a complete game-changer when it comes to navigating your defining decade and suggests that taking this approach is akin to entering the Matrix and becoming Keanu Reeves!
Now It’s Your Turn
Think about a decision you’ve recently made.
Did you start with your values or did you start with the options already on the menu?
If you took the alternative-focused approach, that’s fine. Just take 5 minutes to reflect:
What does your decision reveal about what matters to you?
Why did you choose one option over the others?
Start writing down the values that may have been guiding you even if you weren’t fully aware of them at the time.
 
Resources:
**Ralph Keeney's Book: Value - Focused Thinking
https://www.hup.harvard.edu/books/9780674931985

This first episode introduces why Ben created The 20-Something Toolkit to support 20-somethings beyond standard college advising, career centers, and generic life advice. It sets the foundation for the entire series.
If you want to make better decisions, learn faster, and feel less stuck as you move through your 20s, this is the place to start.
The episode features a real 20-something case study that shows what critical reflection actually looks like in practice as a disciplined way to pause, assess, and realign.
Your 20s are filled with high-stakes decisions about education, relationships, career direction, and identity. Yet most of us were never explicitly taught how to reflect in a way that helps us stay on track.
By the end of this episode, you’ll be able to apply a simple 3-step approach to critical reflection that can help you navigate your Defining Decade with more clarity and confidence.
Now, It's YOUR TURN!
Take 5–10 minutes today to try the 3-step Critical Reflection process in an area that is important to you now:
Step 1 - Awareness. What has been happening in this area. Just notice and observe.
Step 2 - Critique. What is working well? What is not?
Step 3 - Realign. Identify one small, concrete change you can take based on step 2 and make it happen!
Please share your experience in the comments! Is this useful? What area of your life did you relfect on? Any insights to share?
 
Get your free college blueprint at Ben’s new site!
https://benlamorte.com/college-blueprintold/